my names Blake. i am a 16 year old guy from Australia.
i identify as gay. and experiment with my gender expression. my family doesn’t approve of this; the gender expression. they don’t know that I’m gay and I worry what they will think. I prepare to be completley wiped by certain family members. unfortunately these family members are some of the ones that I am closest with.
it is the fear of my family’s acceptance as well as constant bullying and vilification from peers that has caused me to develop mental health issues. I suffer from depression and eating disorders. to escape the pain I will often self-harm, smoke and abuse alcohol.
it is often that I think about what life would be like if mine wasn’t.
the other day I found myself contemplating what would happen if I threw myself in front of the oncoming train. if it wasn’t for my friend there that partially knows what has happened to my mental health, I fear I may not have ended up sitting here writing this post.
in true honesty I don’t know why I’m writing this. no one will see it. I guess I’m using it as a place to keep my thoughts when I get bad.
so this is day 1.
of me being me.
- no regrets
- no hiding
- trying harder
- getting better
lets see how long this lasts.
- this isn’t a death wish. this is hope to get better.
- this isn’t for attention. this is me speaking out against the pains in my life. and saying i wont take it anymore; that I’m the better one.